I wrote a song parody about the hot weather. During that process, I created a bunch of "it's so hot" jokes. These are the ones that didn't fit into the lyrics.

 

The birds are flying north for the winter.

 

My dog just asked the fire hydrant to pee on HIM.

 
The eye of Sauron went inside.

 
I'm out of cigarettes yet I'm still smoking.

 
The #1 pickup line is "I have air conditioning".

 
The church has adopted a new beatitude: "Blessed are the icemakers".

 
Steamy sex is literally steamy sex.

 
Fishermen are catching pre-boiled lobsters.

 
The #1 vacation destination is the frozen food aisle in the supermarket.

 
Hell just opened a branch office in Phoenix.

 
Icarus flew too close to the sun to cool off.

 
Overpopulation is being successfully countered by spontaneous combustion.

 
A patty melt is literally a patty melt.

 
Captain America went back into the ice.

 
Swimming pools are being repurposed as industrial-size sous vide cookers.

 
The saying "this makes my blood boil" is literal now.

 
Good news: the lakes are full. Not so good: with our sweat.