Superfan
Original Song: "Lucky Man" by Emerson, Lake, and Palmer 
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He owned the movies
And novels by the score
All of the comics
And still he wanted more
Oh, what a superfan he was
Oh, what a superfan he was
Each day he'd cosplay
He always would win
Awards at conventions
Again and again
Oh, what a superfan he was
Oh, what a superfan he was
[spoken]
I have the figurines and Lego sets and plates and glasses and the pins and the backpack and the spatula and the snow tires and the shorts and the shirts
and the caps and the limited edition playing cards and the welcome mat and the very rare snow globe...I've had to rent three storage units but that's what
it takes...and the stationery and the toothbrush and the lunchbox and the apron and the phone case and the chess set and the rubber duck and the shower
curtain and the magnets and the board game and the pencils and all of the trading cards including the behind the scenes cast and crew cards!
[end spoken]
He'd go out and spend
All the money that he earned
On the coasters and the posters
His friends were concerned
Oh, what a superfan he was
Oh, what a superfan he was
The actors were nervous
Each time they got his mail
They filed a grievance
So he spent some time in jail
Oh, what a superfan he was
Oh, what a superfan he was
[spoken]
I'm sure it was all a misunderstanding, if they got to know me we would be best friends forever and hang out all the time
and they would ask me to be in the show and I would, and I'd become everyone's favorite character and we would pal around forever!
Wait, what do you mean there was a report on TV that they put out a restraining order on me? They must have gotten my name
confused with someone else, but just to be safe I'll change my name which will also help me to get a backstage pass at the next
convention, for some reason they stopped letting me have those, I guess they wanted other people to have the opportunity...anyway,
soon we'll be going places and having fun and everyone will see I'm not crazy and life will be all sunglasses and autographs and
(start fading out)
we will be so popular and perform for so long that we will all actually become our characters and we'll get rejuvenation treatments
to stay together forever and forever and...
[end spoken]
*the sound of sirens come in over the end of the music*