Scales

Original Song: "Stand" by REM

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Stand on your digital scales
Wait for it
Think about the number
That will show up on the display
Now scream what you see what you weigh
Wail and curse
Think about the cake that you ate
Wonder why you did it again

If you find that your pants are too tight
Here's some advice to help make it right
Instead of fighting the shape of your pose
Just head on out and buy some new clothes

Stand on your digital scales
Start to cringe
Waiting for the number
That is larger than yesterday
Now cry when you see what you weigh
It's not fair
Think about your younger days and
Wonder how you always stayed thin

Your feet are going to carry your weight
Your head is there to clean off your plate
If wishes were pounds, the pounds would be falling
Hear the temptation, ice cream is calling

Stand on your digital scales
Hear them groan
Wonder if the number
Will be larger than it displays
Then stare when you see what it says
Oh my God
Got to get some will power
Diet 'til you take it all off

So Atkins or Zone or maybe Weight Watchers
Or Jenny Craig
Or Protein Power
Your plan is going to take off the pounds
Unless, of course, there's cookies around

So stand (stand)
Face the fridge
Think about what's in there, wonder if there's boston creme pie
Then eat (eat)
'Til you're stuffed
(Take a nap)
Wonder what'll happen if you
Can't fit through the doorway

Stand on your digital scales
If you can
Wonder if you'll ever
Get to have just one chin again
Head for the neighborhood store
Need more food
The aisles seem so narrow now
The carts just don't hold enough

Stand on your digital scales (hear them crack)
Stand on your digital scales (hear them break)
Your feet no longer can move you around (stand on your digital scales)
You've reached the point of maximum pounds, so stand.