New Passwords

Parody Performed By: Skip Briggs

Original Song: "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors

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Now, all new passwords are required
That's what I said now
Those old passwords have expired
So go ahead now
Type in something you'll remember
Yeah that's the ticket
Once more, type it in and then press enter
And now let's check it

[typing]

Now you need to make some changes
To meet our rules now
Got to use letters in both cases
Don't be a fool now
So mix it up, to keep the hackers guessing
Now you get it
Just trick it up, so hackers won't be messing
And then submit it

Lower A and upper D
Makes your password stronger than a Knight of Ni
So now that you've finished, let's look and see, oops
There's a new condition that you have to meet
Gotta make password that is hard to beat

So make it longer than ten places
Just go ahead now
And make sure there aren't any spaces
That's what I said now
And numbers, stick some in the middle
Just go ahead now
And make sure you include a symbol
That's what I said now

[typing] [buzz] ["crap!"]
[typing] [buzz] ["crap!"]
[typing] [buzz] ["crap!"]
[typing] [buzz] ["crap!"]

Yes all new passwords are required
That's what I said now
Those old passwords have expired
So go ahead now
Got to start it with a letter
'Cause that's our rule, now
We want to help you make it better
So just be cool, now

Use a Q, use a 3
Just make sure you never use parentheses
And don't press that Apple or Windows key
'Cause then you'll make a password that'll lock and freeze
Then you'll have a system that'll choke and seize

And if you want to use an em dash
Just go ahead now
But if you try to add a backslash
Your password's dead now
So follow all the rules exactly
That's what I said now
'Cause if you type it incorrectly
It can't be read now
And then you'll have to do a reset
That's what I said now
'Cause there's no way to use a preset
Your password's dead now
So make it intricate and clever
That's what I said now
But make it easy to remember
Just go ahead now

If you read the memorandum
You should've read now
Then you would know to make it random
That's what I said now
Once you've managed to arrange it
And we're all cool now
In 30 days you'll have to change it
'Cause that's our rule now

Stroooooong passwords
(That's what you need now)
Ooh, we
We have decreed now
(We are agreed now)
Ooooh, we guarantee
(We're telling you now)
These rules'll soon destroy your sanity
(Your brain is dead now)
Your head, your head, your head is
(You're seeing red now)
Needing meds now
Yeah, yeah, yeah
(Just go ahead now)
But now you think you have the last word
(Just type it in now)
"1-2-3-ThisIsMyPassword"
(Just try again now)