BKSG at the Grammys
Hi, this is Rex Ungericht, live at the grammys asking the stars what they think of the Black Knight and Squire G Show.
There are performers both past and present heading up the red carpet…let me see if I can ask some of them a question.
The first artist arriving is Paul McCartney.
Q: Sir Paul, I understand you've been a fan of the BKSG show for years. What have you got to say about it?
A: "I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time."
And here's Petula Clark, who had several major hits in the U.S. in the sixties and is still an international star.
Q: Petula, why do you listen to the BKSG show?
A: "You can forget all your troubles, forget all your cares."
Here's Carly Simon.
Q: Carly, the BKSG show has been on several different schedules during its run. Do you think it should be a live show every week?
A: "That's the way I've always heard it should be."
Walking up next is Phil Collins.
Q: Phil, I was told you don't listen to the Black Knight and Squire G Show.
A: "There must be some misunderstanding, there must be some kind of mistake."
Q: Well in that case, do you have anything to say to the Black Knight?
A: "Please answer the phone, 'cause I keep calling."
Here comes Sting.
Q: Sting, can I ask you a question?
A: "Don't stand so close to me."
Q: Um, ok, I'll move back. Do you have anything to say to the Black Knight and Squire G?
A: "De do do do, de da da da is all I want to say to you."
OK, thanks for that, you strange man.
Here's the Beach Boys. Maybe we can get a reasonable answer from them.
Q: Hey guys, what do you think of the BKSG team - The Black Knight and Squire G, Jay Capone, Don Candu, and Cherokee Leather?
A: "I wish they all could be California girls."
Well, yes, don't we all.
And coming up the aisle now is Leslie Gore, another big 60's star.
Q: Leslie, I heard your computer broke last Saturday and you cried when you couldn't listen to the BKSG show.
A: "You would cry too if it happened to you."
I suppose I would.
Here comes the Australian band Men at Work.
Q: Men, I heard you met the Black Knight and Squire G. What was the Black Knight like?
A: "He was six foot four and full of muscle."
Q: And what was it like meeting Squire G?
A: "He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich."
Ah yes, the enigmatic Squire. Thanks Men.
Now here's Jimmy Buffet.
Q: Jimmy, what can you tell me about the Black Knight and Squire G?
A: "They hang out in the local bar."
Q: Well in that case, Frankie Valli, what drink do you recommend for the Black Knight and Squire G?
A: "Sherry, baby."
Q: And Tommy James just walked up. What drink do you recommend?
A: "Sweet cherry wine."
Here are the bands Toad the Wet Sprocket and Semisonic.
Q: Toad, I hear you were in the bar with the Black Knight and Squire G. What were they saying?
A: "Bartender, fix me one more drink."
Q: Semisonic, I overheard you saying the Black Knight and Squire G panicked when the bartender said something. What was that?
A: "Closing time, one last call for alcohol."
Q: And Toad, before you guys move on, I hear you like to prank call the BKSG show. What exactly do you do?
A: "I call and never speak."
Weeeeelllll, look who's coming up the walk. It's Kevin Lee, who has appeared on the Black Knight and Squire G show before.
Q: Kevin, would you like to appear on the BKSG show again?
A: "I want it badly, way too much."
I understand. Thanks Kevin.
Oh! Alice! Over here! Ladies and gentlemen, Alice Cooper.
Q: Alice, do you know the Black Knight and Squire G?
A: "I used to be such a sweet sweet thing 'til they got ahold of me."
Yea, that does seem to happen a lot.
Q: Here comes the band Smash Mouth, and they're wearing BKSG t-shirts! Guys, what do you have to say to folks who are thinking about buying BKSG merchandise?
A: "So don't delay, act now, supplies are running out."
Q: Next up is Brewer and Shipley. Tell me, how would you describe Jay Capone?
A: "One toke over the line, sweet Jesus, one toke over the line."
Dire Straits is walking this way.
Q: Guys, what do you think of the Black Knight and Squire G show?
A: "That ain't workin', that's the way you do it, let me tell you them guys ain't dumb."
And here's Duncan Sheik.
Q: Duncan, if I gave you the choice between losing your life or losing the BKSG show, what would you say?
A: "I'm thinking it over."
OK, that about wraps it up. No, wait - there's one more star making his way up to the theatre - it's Paul Simon!
Q: Paul, how whould you describe the Black Knight and Squire G?
A: "Still crazy after all these years."
So there you have it - the stars' thoughts on Black Knight and Squire G. This is Rex Ungericht, reporting from the Grammys.
If you are familiar with the works of Dickie Goodman, he produced several parodies where he assumed the role of a reporter asking questions, with the answers being samples from popular songs. In that tradition I present this work.