Jamaican Bobsled Team

Original Song: "Jamaica Jerk Off" by Elton John

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I remember very clearly
It was nineteen eighty-eight
I was looking at a TV show
That seemed to indicate

Jamaica had a bobsled team
Practicing to appear
In the next Olympic games
It seemed so very weird

Come on, Jamaica
In that tropical place
How you gonna bobsled
How you gonna prep for that race

Come on Jamaica
Everybody knows
You can't bobsled in Jamaica
Cause the only snow's up your nose

So they headed up to Calgary
With their dreadlocks wound tight
And a couple kilos of ganja
Just to get them through the night

They're in it for Jamaica, yeah
And instant celebrity
Someday there will be a movie
Released by Disney

Come on Jamaica
As the icicles spray
Off the sharpened runners
Of a Fisher-Price plastic sleigh

Come on Jamaica
This is getting whack
You were tokin' all that ganja
Then you got too high - on the track

[stoned bobsled riders arguing]

Come on Jamaica
It's the end of your ride
Mighta got a medal
But your sled wound up on its side

Come on Jamaica
Time to leave this place
And with four more years of practice
You might finish the frikkin' race

Come on Jamaica
Even though you're not champs
Everybody loves you
And you got your own postage stamps

Come on Jamaica
Now it really seems
You've inspired lots of spinoffs
Like the Swedish Bikini Team