The 12 Wines of Christmas
Original Song: "The 12 Days of Christmas"
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[The lead should start in a highbrow tone and become more and more inebriated as the song progresses, straying out of key, forgetting words, slurring words, etc. The lead can also fall behind the chorus and yell at them to wait, etc.]
On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me
A bottle of Sauvignon Blanc
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me
Two Zinfandels,
And a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc
On the third day of Christmas my baby gave to me
Three Merlots,
Two Zinfandels,
And a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc
On the fourth day of Christmas my lovey wovey gave to me
Four Chardonnays,
Three Merlots,
Two Zinfandels,
And a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc
On the fifth day of Christmas my old bag [hysterical laughter] gave to me
Five Cabernets,
Four Chardonnays,
Three Merlots,
Two Zinfandels,
And a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc
On the sixth day of Christmas my - hey! where are my six Pinot Noirs? Who took 'em?
Voice: Uh, you drank them, sir.
Lead: Really?
Voice: Yessir. Along with the seven Reislings, eight Shiraz, nine Chiantis, ten Gewurstameiners, eleven Bordeaux, and twelve Champagnes. In fact, it's astounding that you're still conscious right now, not to mention still semi-coherent.
Lead: (says something incoherent and then falls to the floor with a thump)
Chorus:
And a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc